


just between you and me

by towokuwusatsuwu



Category: Crows Zero (Movies)
Genre: Abortion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Trans Male Character, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 16:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15416916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: hiromi is beside himself when izaki asks him to drive him out of the city limits for a doctor's appointment. what he finds out is that izaki trusts him more than he would have thought possible.





	just between you and me

Kirishima Hiromi has spent more than his fair share of time trying to capture the attention of Izaki Shun. His friends took to teasing him over the long and lingering looks he would send in Izaki’s direction, desperate for Izaki to notice him or to pay attention to him the way he pays attention the others, or at least the way he pays attention to Tokaji Yuji. The fact the two of them started out as enemies before becoming friends still has Hiromi tied up in knots, desperate to capture Izaki’s gaze even once and seeming to fall short every time he gets mildly close.

His efforts have, for the most part, been failures. Izaki notices him as a member of their gang and as a fighter who has what it takes when it counts, but he could be anyone in the crowd and Izaki’s eyes would never seek him out directly. Despite this, Hiromi still pushes through to the best of his ability, determined to keep fighting for Izaki’s attention and maybe affection if he manages to get anywhere with him. Most people would probably laugh at him for continuing to try, but he presses forward just the same no matter what.

He never expects Izaki to seek him out specifically, certain such an event would never occur for any reason, but he finds himself cornered on a staircase, the flow of students around them ebbing until only the two of them are left. Hiromi feels small pressed into the corner, hands jammed into his pockets, trying to act like this close contact is not doing things to him it has no right to. Izaki probably just picked him out for no reason even if the intensity blazing in his dark eyes would have Hiromi thinking otherwise in a heartbeat.

“Kirishima, I need your help with something.” Izaki keeps his voice pitched low, but the edge that Hiromi is familiar with is present. “I… You probably don’t have a license but can you drive?”

The question throws Hiromi off. “Uh, yeah,” he says slowly, not sure if he should be admitting to the fact he can drive despite not having a license. It’s just, waiting takes too long and as long as he behaves in accordance with traffic laws, he can usually get from his house to the store and back with no problems. His heart still climbs into his throat every time he sees a cop, but no one has pulled him over so far so he has that going for him.

“Good. You have a car, or some kind of transport?” Izaki presses.

“It’s my dad’s car but he’ll be asleep when school’s over and he doesn’t care if I borrow it.” The first time Hiromi’s father caught him sneaking back in after driving, he went with him on his next outing to make sure he actually knew what he was doing, then told him not to get caught. “Why? Do you need me to drive you somewhere, or—”

“I have a doctor’s appointment.” Izaki breaks eye contact then, lifting his chin. “I just can’t get there on my own and frankly, I don’t need anyone else knowing. It’s a clinic outside of town anyway, so no one should. You can keep this between the two of us, right?”

Hiromi feels his chest tighten at the question and he tries not to look as awestruck as he feels right now, hands jittering wildly in his pockets. Just between the two of them? Something just between the two of them? “Absolutely. I won’t tell anyone about anything.”

“Good man. I thought I could trust you.” Izaki claps him on the shoulder and Hiromi feels his heart expand three sizes easy. “I’ll be waiting at the corner after school so you can just pick me up there. You’ll have to take me home after, but it’s not that long of a drive.”

“I don’t mind,” Hiromi says quickly.

His mind might be playing tricks on him, but he thinks he sees the faint sign of a smile ghost Izaki’s lips. “Right, right,” he says. “Okay, I’ll see you then. Don’t tell anyone. I mean it.”

The rest of the day passes by too quickly for Hiromi’s liking; as anxious as he is to spend time with Izaki, he finds himself nervous about the prospect of being in such a small space with him on a drive out of time. Distantly, he wonders what appointment Izaki must be keeping, and why out of town in the first place, but none of that is his business and more to the point, Izaki wants no one to know, so Hiromi should really know as little as possible. He casts the thoughts out of his mind and finds himself excited all over again that Izaki came to him for help in the first place.

_ I thought I could trust you. _

He makes excuses to get out of hanging out with anyone and picks up his father’s car the moment he reaches the house, checking to make sure the man is asleep before he slips out. With barely any time to spare he changes into more comfortable clothing, leaving his school uniform in a wrinkled pile at the foot of his bed. Something casual, a t-shirt and jeans, something more relaxed than the black uniform that will only draw heat in the heavy summer weather.

Izaki is waiting where he said he would be, and Hiromi does a double take at how  _ comfortable _ he looks and he thinks Izaki must have brought clothes to change into after school. The uniform is nowhere to be seen, replaced by a baggy shirt and jeans with the knees ripped out; Hiromi almost runs up onto the edge of the curb trying to get a better look at him but manages to course correct and pull up as smoothly as possible.

“You could have run me over,” Izaki informs him dryly.

Hiromi ducks his head, face burning at the words. “But I didn’t! You ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Izaki walks around the front of the car to slip in, tossing his school bag in the back, and Hiromi might be wrong, but something seems off about him. “Can you follow directions?”

“Of course. But where are we going? If I’ve been there before, I might just be able to—” Hiromi starts, but the look Izaki gives him makes his voice die in his throat.

Izaki stares at him for so long he leans away from him, against the driver’s door. “You haven’t been there before. I know you haven’t.” He turns to fix his gaze on the road, fingers running through his hair, soft golden strands tousled like he’s been messing with them over and over. “Sorry, I’m just a little tense. Just listen to my directions and we’ll get there.”

“It’s okay.” Hiromi sits up properly, shifts back into drive. “Lead the way, senpai.”

The directions carry them to the edge of the city, though it takes time to get so far and Hiromi marvels at his own self-control. He also steals peeks at Izaki out of the corner of his eye, the way he sits slouched over in his seat, elbow resting on the edge of the window, head propped up on his hand. He looks  _ tired _ and Hiromi can’t help but worry what this is about even though he kept his thoughts from wandering in that direction for most of the day.

If something is wrong with Izaki, well… Hiromi can only follow his directions and drive him back home when his appointment is over. Nothing else can be done without him prying into Izaki’s privacy— something he would  _ never _ want to do— or telling someone else— a virtual death sentence and also at the bottom of his list. What he wants to do is help in the way he can.

By the time they reach the edge of the city, Izaki looks properly agitated, his free hand toying with the bottom of his shirt. “We’re almost there,” he says. “Turn left at the next light.”

Only a few more turns and stretches of asphalt take them to their location. Hiromi is mute when he parks in the lot of the building Izaki gestures to, hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes fixed firmly on the building. He doesn’t try to sneak at glance at Izaki now.

“Oh,” he says quietly. “Are you… Are you meeting a girl here?”

The thought Izaki might have been up to such things in his spare time never occurred to Hiromi even though it should have; Izaki is handsome and plenty of men and women alike have shown interest in them over the years. Maybe Hiromi had been too wrapped up in his own puppy love crush to consider the idea of Izaki with other people— except for Tokaji, and  _ those _ thoughts only kept him up late at night— but such notions are likely ridiculous. If this experience will teach him anything, it might be that he should pay a little more attention to reality.

“A girl,” Izaki says slowly, softly.

Hiromi swallows and lowers his gaze to the steering wheel, keeping his eyes fixed, refusing to let his gaze wander. “I mean, this is a… A women’s clinic, isn’t it? That’s what the sign says.”

“It does.” Izaki’s voice is quiet. “No, I’m not meeting anyone here. I have an appointment.”

Hiromi nods once, a quick jerky movement of his head. “Okay. I won’t ask anything else.”

“You’re not a bad guy, you know. For what it’s worth.” Izaki opens the car door and slips out, throwing his last comment over his shoulder before he walks away toward the doors of the building. “Women aren’t necessarily the only people who need services provided here.”

That… Makes sense. Hiromi exhales slowly and lifts his head, watching Izaki walk into the building like he’s done this a million times before. He’s being  _ ridiculous _ and maybe he should offer an apology when Izaki returns especially because he put his foot firmly in his mouth in this situation. His petty jealousy is not what Izaki needs to be dealing with right now; Hiromi refuses to let himself wonder what that might be, leaning his seat back to relax, hands tucked under his head as he stares at the ceiling of the car.

As for what Izaki is going through, Hiromi needs no details. He was happy enough to be able to help and if he gets Izaki home safe and sound and keeps this trip to himself, things will be fine. Izaki trusts him with this, so he can hardly disappoint him.

Time seems to pass slowly and by the time the car door opens and closes again, Hiromi has almost drifted off to sleep. He twists his head around to see Izaki getting comfortable, a prescription paper in hand. Now, he looks even more exhausted than he did before going in, and he moves gingerly and carefully, making Hiromi all the more alarmed at the sight.

“Did everything go okay?” he asks, opting for something easy instead of  _ What happened to you? _ It feels improper to phrase it that way.

“Yeah. Went about as expected, anyway. Sore, though.” Izaki winces a little as he shifts position once more and Hiromi presses his lips together, not sure what else to say. “You can go ahead and take me home now. I’ll give you the directions there.”

Hiromi tries not to notice how many times Izaki shifts in discomfort, the way he stretches his legs and then curls them back once more. He keeps himself wedged against the door as if he wants to escape at any given moment and Hiromi has no idea if he might have said or done something to provoke such a reaction, but it makes him feel like shit just the same. Maybe he should have not said anything, just dropped Izaki off and taken him home without any chatter.

When Izaki finally lowers the backrest, though, Hiromi finds it impossible to hold his tongue. “Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?”

“No. I just, I’m kinda sore and tired and I just need to get home and get some rest.” Izaki rubs a hand over his face. “I might need you to help me in. I’m not feeling so great.”

This only ratchets Hiromi’s anxiety up that much higher. “Sure nothing went wrong?”

“No.Everything went according to procedure but I was told I might feel faint and I don’t want to risk cracking my head open getting out of your car.” Izaki heaves a sigh and Hiromi frowns, torn between watching him carefully and keeping his eyes on the road. He chooses the latter; a car accident will hardly improve upon the situation. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I thougth I’d just need the drive but I guess I didn’t take it as well as I thought I would.”

Hiromi nods slowly. “It was just the one time, right? Like, it’s not a treatment thing you have to go back— You know what, I don’t need to know. I’m really sorry for even asking.”

He can feel Izaki’s eyes drilling into him even through the fatigue and then Izaki laughs, though the sound is strained. “You’re a good man,” he says, and Hiromi tries not to let that go to his head because he’s really not. Not right now. “You’re worried but you’re trying not to overstep. I knew I could trust you to get me through all this.”

“I just… Yeah.” Hiromi nods once. “Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do.”

“It’s not a continuous treatment. It was just the one time and I’m not going to let it happen again.” Izaki is quiet for a moment, then, “Turn right up here. My house is the third on the left.”

Hiromi parks the car in the right driveway and slips out of the driver’s seat to help Izaki out of the car, feeling particularly helpless at seeing how tired Izaki is, feeling Izaki’s weight against his own as he helps him to the front door, an arm around his waist while Izaki slings an arm around his shoulders. Bearing the brunt of Izaki’s weight is not difficult by any means, but Hiromi has never had to do this before and he’s not sure how to feel about it. The entire situation has him skittish, but he’s glad Izaki is home and can rest now.

“Take me up to my room,” Izaki says. “My parents aren’t home. Made sure to pick a day when they wouldn’t be here to ask me what was going on.”

“Can do,” Hiromi says softly.

Being alone in Izaki’s room with him is something of pure fantasy, and Hiromi doesn’t want to admit how many times he has imagined this exact scenario with different lighting, mood, even music sometimes because his brain just functions this way. Nothing in his fantasies had been like this, though, lowering Izaki carefully onto the mattress of his bed, watching as he moves so gingerly that Hiromi wants to cry at the sight. If it had been a fight, he could help. He could get bandages, or an ice pack, or anything to soothe away the pain, but he doesn’t know what’s wrong and he knows it is not in his place to ask such a question.

“Do you need anything else?” he asks instead, wringing his hands together.

Izaki shakes his head, pulling his legs up onto the mattress, curling up small on top of the bedspread. “Nah. No, wait, yeah. Water. I need to stay hydrated.”

A short trip to the kitchen later and Hiromi sets two bottles of water on the nightstand, cracking one of them open and passing it to Izaki. “Anything else?”

“You sure are eager to help.” Izaki takes a long drink, and Hiromi hovers, uncertain of what to do, what to say. “Sit down.”

Hiromi perches carefully on the edge of the bed. “Yeah? Something else you want?”

“I’m tired as hell and I’m gonna have a lot of trouble taking it off myself, so I need you to help me with something.” Izaki sits up slowly, tugging his shirt up and over his head, something like an undershirt stretched taut across his chest. Not quite an undershirt, but— Oh. “I’m so fucking sore, too. Unless you’ve got a problem with this?”

“No.” The reaction is instantaneous and Hiromi’s heart threatens to cave in on itself, suddenly overwhelmed with just how much Izaki is trusting him, and how much he’s trusted him with. The undershirt— the binder— is dark against Izaki’s skin, its implications impossible to ignore, but Hiromi does not need to ask questions. He knows Tokio, after all, has heard him talk about things like this often enough. “Just need me to pull it off over your head, right?”

“Right. Good man.” Izaki smiles at him, but it’s small and faint.

Hiromi looks anywhere but at Izaki’s chest as he helps him get the binder off, gently shaking it out when it tries to roll up on him afterward, placing it carefully on the nightstand. Tokio has talked about how expensive they can be, how much of a pain it is to replace them, so he does his best not to damage it and keeps his eyes averted until Izaki replaces his shirt.

“Sorry for dragging you into all of this. I just… Didn’t want the others to find out where I was going. They all know, about this. Well, most of them.” Izaki gestures toward his chest and Hiromi nods, not sure what to say, because he didn’t know. He assumes Izaki means Genji, Tamao, Tokio, Tokaji… Probably not many others. Definitely not Makise, who would have blown his cover by now. “I’m just not ready to be out to everyone yet. I didn’t think you’d mind so much.”

“I don’t,” Hiromi says, and his voice comes out so small.

Izaki picks up one of his pillows and hugs it to his middle, stretched out on his back, eyes on the ceiling. “So, like…” He wets his lips. “Do you know where you took me today?”

Hiromi looks at him, not sure what to say. “I took you to a women’s clinic, didn’t I?”

“When I said it’s not just for women, I meant, you know. Me.” Izaki gestures toward himself again, looser, his hand trembling just enough that Hiromi can pick up on it, his heart hammering against his ribs. “They’re nice out there, they don’t fuck up my name or anything. And there’s certain things, like, I could have gotten it done at a hospital probably but it would have been worse to do it there. Do you know why you took me out there?”

Hiromi shakes his head. “No. I didn’t want to ask. It isn’t my business.”

“Well, I’m going to tell you because it’s good information to have for the future. Shit happens, you know, condoms break.” Izaki sighs, scrubs a hand over his face. “Ours did, anyway. And I thought, man, there’s no way, but I ended up. Yeah. And like, I’m in  _ high school, _ and I don’t want to have kids like that. Maybe not at all. I’m not ready for that, you know?”

Slowly, the pieces click together in Hiromi’s mind. “O-oh.”

“Yeah. So. You took me to get an abortion, which like, I really needed. But I didn’t want the others to know, you know, because. I don’t know.” Izaki laughs at the ceiling and Hiromi doesn’t know what to say. “I guess I just… I’m afraid they might look at me differently. Not that you wouldn’t, I guess, I just didn’t think you would? You never seemed like you would.”

“I don’t. I won’t. I— You did what you had to do and I respect that you were able to get it all set up and done.” Hiromi tries to inject a little strength into his voice, wanting to be strong for Izaki because he knows that even if Izaki wanted to get this done, it must have been hard. It must have been difficult, and it must have hurt, and he’s still in some pain as he’s clearly showing now. “I’m just glad you trusted me enough to take you there. I won’t tell anyone.”

Izaki hums, his eyes fluttering shut. “Good. I don’t want anyone else to know. Maybe never. It’s not that big a deal but, I just, you get it. That’s why I asked you to take me.”

Hiromi has no idea what to say, having long exhausted the last few things he thought might sound coherent coming out of his mouth. So he pushes himself to his feet, fingers combing through his hair as he eyes the door. “No worries. I should probably be getting home now just in case Dad wakes up and decides he wants the car after all.”

“Hiromi,” Izaki says, and Hiromi freezes in place. “Thank you. I mean it. It meant a lot to me to have someone to turn to for help like this. I couldn’t drive myself in case I got dizzy and it was… Kind of comforting to know you were waiting in the car for me.”

“No problem.” Hiromi turns to face him once more, trying to muster up what little strength he has left. “I… I would have gone in with you, if you wanted. You don’t have to do things like this alone, senpai. If something ever happens and you, you need someone again, I— I’m—”

“I know.” Izaki smiles softly, gently. “Thank you, again. I’ll see you at school.”

Hiromi sits behind the steering wheel of the car for ten minutes before he can muster up the energy to drive back home, but he does it with a newfound respect for the man he loves.


End file.
